1. Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror
2. I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
3. I follow the quote, āAlways be true to yourselfā because I only lie to others!
4. I wish I could mute people in real life.
5. I donāt go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.
6. Dear problems⦠Please give me some discount⦠I am your regular customer.
7. Take my advice, I donāt use it anyway.
8. Never laugh at your wifeās choices. Youāre one of them.
9. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
10. You can never buy love, but still you have to pay for it.
11. Iām so poor I canāt even pay attention!
12. Iām too lazy to stop being lazy.
13. I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
14. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
15. Iām not lazy, Iām on energy saving mode.
16. Iām not lazy, I prefer the term āselective participationā.
17. Iām not lazy, Iām just very relaxed.
18. Iām not running away from hard work, Iām too lazy to run.
19. Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her!
20. Never give up on your dreams keep sleeping.
21. Shopping is an art. I am an artist. Respect Please.
22. I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
23. I love my job only when Iām on vacation.
24. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
25. ā3 words more beautiful for a married woman than I LOVE YOU: No Cooking Todayā
26. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
27. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
28. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.
29. You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
30. In my house Iām the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
31. Womenās apology: Iām sorry, but it was your fault.
32. Yes of course I am athletic⦠I surf the Internet every day.
33. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up 
34. I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
35. The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
36. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! Heās dreaming too.
37. Talking to myself because I am my own consultant.
38. Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
39. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
40. I donāt need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
41. I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist. I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
42. Iām not crazy I prefer the term mentally hilarious.
43. The hardest thing I ever tried was being normal.
44. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
45. Hey there! Whatsapp is using me.
46. Hey, you are reading my status again?
47. Life is too short. Donāt waste it reading my Whatsapp status.
48. Hey you, yeah Iām talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
49. Hey you, yeah you. The one reading this. Wanna know a secret? Youāre beautiful. Donāt ever give up.
50. If you are reading this then Iām sure you have nothing to do in your life.
51. So youāre checking my status 
52. My ālast seen atā was just to check your ālast seen atā.
53. Say it to my face, not through your status.
54. Stop checking my status better you have your own.
55. WAIT! Do you have appointment to see my status.
56. Not always Available.. Try your luck.
57. Happiness is when ālast seen atā changes to āonlineā and then to ātypingā
58. Battery low, please disturb later.
59. It may look like Iām doing nothing, but in my head Iām quite busy.
60. Donāt play stupid with me, Iām better at it!
61. Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.
62. Life gives hurdles, but I am an athlete. So itās fun.
63. Life taught me a lot of lessons, but I bunked those classes too 
64. I really should do something with my life⦠maybe tomorrow.
65. I made a huge to do list for today. I just canāt figure out whoās going to do it.
66. When a door closes, another door should open, but if it doesnāt then go in through the window.
67. If Plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters left.
68. Sometimes, life gives you a second chance because just maybe the first time you werenāt ready.
69. Always Give 100%, Unless Youāre Donating Blood.
70. I Was reminded that my blood type is BE POSITIVE!
71. I am blood type O-positive, which I remember by staying āoptimistic positive.ā
72. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
73. Itās not the fault of the mirror if you donāt like your reflection.
74. Iām just a mirror for you, You are good, Iām best, You are bad, Iām worst.
75. I donāt have time to hate the people who hate me because Iām busy loving the people who love me.
76. Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
77. Dear stress, letās break up.
78. I wish I had a delete button in my life. To delete some people, some memories, and some feelings.
79. I would like to apologize to anyone I have NOT offended. Please by patient I will get to you shortly. Lol 
80. Having one child makes you a parent; Having two you are a referee.
81. Did anyone ever notice that āSTUDYINGā is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
82. Iām physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
83. Physically Mentally Emotionally TIRED.
84. Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.
85. When Youāre Downie Eat A Brownie!
86. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
87. Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear ācheeseā so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
88. My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
89. A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.
90. Never judge the book by its movie.